Imam Ilyas Sidyot

Behind every successful youth are Parents


In today's times we have problem children, and we also have problem parents. Before we label our son or daughter as problematic, just consider whether we, too, are not part of the problem. Every father and mother should harken to these words. A child's behaviour is, more often than not, a reflection of the parents' treatment of it.

When a father complained about his son to Ameerul-Mumineen Umar RA, then instead of reprimanding the son the Caliph began questioning the father whether he had fulfilled his role as a father.

"What you sow shall you reap" is an idiom very apt to a parent / child relationship. There are of course, exceptions to the general rule, but quite often parents are to blame for their child's erratic behaviour. When parents do not give love to their daughter, she might seek it (and find it) in a boy outside the home. When parents treat the son with disdain and harshness, they distance him from themselves. The result is lack of obedience. When parents fail to acknowledge their child's achievements, they break its morale. When parents only know the child's faults but do not provide solutions, then they become part of the problem instead of the solution.

Parents need to support their children through thick and thin. Always shower them with words of encouragement, instead of finding fault in every little thing they do. When your son or daughter errs, point out the fault with wisdom, tact, and decency. Then proceed to provide a solution.

At times overlook a child's naughtiness, and reprimand it on another occasion. Your child is what you make of it. Your attitude and behaviour will either create the monster you cannot handle, or the angel that does you proud. A child's success is the making of his or her parents. By success we do not mean passing matric with 10 'a's, or achieving a university degree. Success in this context means the child's morality, character, and mental stability. Schools and universities cannot give this to your child. It is you as a mother and father, who can motive your son or daughter to this distinctive achievement.

I leave all parents with the following astounding statement from the World's Expert on human psychology, Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alyhi Wa Sallam:

"Four things are among the signs of a man's nobility: 1) A virtuous wife. 2) Noble children. 3) Righteous friends. 4) A livelihood in his hometown. (Narrated by Imam Suyooti (RA with references in his hadith anthology, Jam'ul Jawaami') ".